If you feel torn about your ostomy reversal decision, you’re not alone. A reversal is a surgery that reconnects the bowel and closes the stoma, the small opening on your belly where waste now leaves the body. One week you may count the days until it happens, and the next you may dread another operation, while family, friends or even your care team seem sure of the answer. Some people also carry a quiet guilt for feeling settled with a stoma they were expected to want gone.
Both paths are valid. Some people cannot have a reversal, some choose not to, and some go ahead. What helps most is clear information about your own body from your surgeon, open conversations with people who have walked each path, and a written list of what matters most to you. However you decide, the decision is yours.
This guide walks through the feelings that come with the choice, the questions worth asking your surgeon, the bowel changes that can follow a reversal, and how to find peace on either path. The short tool below starts with what matters most to you.
What matters most to you in your reversal decision?
Answer four questions about life with your stoma now, what your surgeon has said, your biggest hope and your biggest concern. You will get a focused next step with practical actions you can start this week.
How does life with your stoma feel right now?
What has your surgeon said about a reversal?
What is your biggest hope?
What is your biggest concern?
At a glance
| Both paths | Valid. Some people cannot have a reversal, some choose not to, and some go ahead |
|---|---|
| Questions for your surgeon | Is it possible for you, timing, recovery, bowel function afterward, and what happens if it does not go as hoped |
| Bowel changes after a reversal | Common, especially after rectal surgery: going more often, urgency and clustering |
| What often helps | Time, plus pelvic floor therapy and diet changes for some people |
| Before you decide | Talk with people on both paths and write down what matters most to you |
| Who decides | You do, with clear information from your care team |
Why does the reversal decision feel so heavy?
From the outside, a reversal can look simple. From the inside, you are weighing another surgery, a second recovery and a bowel that may work differently against a routine you have worked to build. It makes sense to feel pulled both ways.
People waiting on a reversal often describe a complicated relationship with their stoma. Some count the days. Some are anxious about going through another major surgery. And some begin to notice that life with an ostomy may suit them better than the health problems they lived with before.
One person who had an ostomy after emergency surgery described feeling deeply anxious about another operation. Their earlier hospital stay had been traumatic, and the thought of more surgery brought back memories of serious illness and pain.
Another person had expected their ostomy to last only a few months. As extra tests and delays kept pushing their reversal date back, the uncertainty about their future kept growing.
When another surgery feels daunting
Fear of more surgery is common, especially when the first operation was an emergency. Naming exactly what you dread helps: the anesthesia, the pain, the weeks of recovery or the chance of things not going as planned. Each is a question your surgical team can answer. If memories of your first stay keep returning, a counselor can help you sort the fear from the facts. For a plain overview of the surgery itself, see the guide to what to expect from an ostomy reversal.
Is it okay to feel settled with your stoma?
Yes. Feeling settled is not giving up, and it is not ingratitude toward the people who expected you to want a reversal. For many people, the stoma is what ended years of pain, urgency or illness from conditions such as Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. Some feel that relief almost right away, others take months. Either way, a life that finally works is worth noticing.
One person shared their frustration that medical professionals kept assuming they wanted a reversal, when they were considering keeping their ileostomy for good.
That assumption is common, and it can leave you feeling as if contentment needs defending. It does not. The goal of living with an ostomy is not always to be rid of it. For some people, the stoma is what gave them their life back.
One woman received her ostomy in her mid-40s and lived with it until she was 88. She worked part time as a nurse well into her 60s, traveled, hosted many parties and became a grandmother to nine grandchildren. She credited her ostomy with giving her those years.
You may also feel both things at once: thankful for the stoma and tired of it, settled most days and unsure on others. Both feelings can sit together. If you are still finding your footing, adapting to life with an ostomy offers steady, practical help.
What should you ask your surgeon before you decide?
The answers that matter are about your body and your surgery, not averages. Write these questions down, and bring someone you trust to take notes.
Is a reversal possible for you?
Ask whether a reversal is possible in your case, and why or why not. The answer depends on the original surgery, how much bowel remains, how the condition that led to your stoma has responded, and other individual factors. If the answer is maybe, ask which tests would decide it and when you will hear.
When would it happen?
Ask about timing: when a reversal could take place, what has to happen first, how long you can take to decide, and whether waiting changes anything for you. If your date keeps moving, ask what is holding it up, so the waiting has a shape.
What would recovery look like?
Ask how long you would likely stay in the hospital, when you could lift, drive and return to work, and what help you would need at home. Knowing the practical side makes the surgery feel less like a leap into the dark.
What bowel function should you expect afterward?
Ask what your surgeon expects for you, given where the bowel would be joined and any treatment you have had. Ask how long it might take to settle, and what support is available if it does not.
What happens if it does not go as hoped?
Ask what the options are if bowel function stays challenging or a complication occurs, including whether a stoma could be needed again. Hearing that a plan exists often brings comfort.
The type of stoma you have shapes many of these answers. If you are unsure which you have, how an ileostomy and a colostomy differ is a helpful read before the visit.
From 14 years of conversations with ostomates
Among people waiting on a reversal, the same questions come up again and again: when they will be eligible, how painful recovery will be, whether urgency will follow, and what happens if it does not work. Many also ask, more quietly, whether they should have the reversal at all. That question belongs in the room too.
What bowel changes can happen after a reversal?
Many people picture a reversal as a return to the bathroom habits they had before surgery. Bowel function often takes time to settle, and for some it settles into a new pattern rather than the old one. Knowing this ahead of time simply helps you plan.
Common changes, especially after rectal surgery
- Going more often than before, sometimes many times a day in the early weeks
- Urgency, meaning little warning before you need a toilet
- Clustering, several trips close together followed by a quieter stretch
- Looser stools, or a feeling of not being fully empty
- Some temporary difficulty with control
When these changes follow surgery on the rectum, the group of symptoms is sometimes called low anterior resection syndrome, or LARS. It is common, and it often improves over months, with research suggesting most of the natural easing comes in the first six months. How much it affects you depends on your original surgery, how much bowel remains, previous treatments and other individual factors.
What helps some people
- Pelvic floor therapy with a specialist physical therapist, who teaches exercises to strengthen and coordinate the muscles that control the bowel
- Diet changes, such as regular meal times, smaller portions and noticing which foods loosen stool, ideally with a dietitian’s guidance
- Planning outings around known restrooms in the early months, with a small kit of wipes and a change of underwear
- Asking for support early rather than waiting for symptoms to pass on their own
When to call your surgical team after a reversal
- Fever or chills
- Belly pain that is severe or getting worse
- Repeated vomiting
- A swollen belly with no stool or gas passing
- Redness, swelling or discharge at the wound
- Frequent watery stools along with dark urine, dizziness or a dry mouth
How do you decide when others have strong opinions?
Pressure can come from every direction. A partner may want things back the way they were. A care team may talk about the reversal as the next step before asking what you want. Each of them may care deeply, and none of them lives in your body each day. A few small moves can hold the line kindly:
- Thank people for caring, then let them know you are still deciding.
- Ask the people closest to you to listen rather than advise for now.
- Tell your care team what you want from the next visit: information, time to think, or support for keeping your stoma.
- When someone’s view keeps pulling at you, ask yourself whether it matches what matters most to you, or only to them.
If a reversal is possible, bring a partner or close family member to the surgeon’s visit, so everyone works from the same facts. Shared information often softens pressure.
If a reversal is not possible for you, others may still ask. You can simply say it is not an option and that life with your stoma is your focus. You do not owe anyone more explanation than that.
Why does it help to talk with people on both paths?
Your surgeon can tell you what is possible. People who have lived each path can tell you what it felt like, and hearing from both often turns a vague choice into something real and personal.
Ostomy support groups, in person or online, are a natural place to find both. Many people say that support from others living with a stoma is one of the things that helps most. The United Ostomy Associations of America (UOAA) support group finder can help you find a group near you.
Questions to bring to a group
- What made you decide, and what do you wish you had known sooner?
- How did the first months after your choice feel?
- What does an ordinary day look like now?
- Is there anything you would do differently?
Every story is one person’s body and one person’s surgery, so treat what you hear as perspective, not prediction. Notice which stories leave you feeling lighter and which leave you uneasy. Both tell you something about what matters most to you.
How do you write down what matters most to you?
When a choice feels tangled, writing it down helps. A single page can hold what your surgeon said, what you heard from others and what you want your days to feel like.
- List the parts of daily life that matter most to you, such as sleep, work, travel, eating out, exercise, intimacy or time with grandchildren.
- Beside each, write how life with your stoma serves it now.
- Then write what your surgeon has said about life after a reversal for that same part of your day.
- Name your biggest hope and your biggest concern in one sentence each.
- Note what you still do not know, and add it to your questions for the next visit.
- Put the page away for a few days, then read it again. Notice which way you lean when the feelings are quieter.
There is no score at the end. The page simply makes your priorities visible, so the decision rests on them.
Living calmly with your stoma while you decide
Whether a reversal is months away, uncertain or not on your path at all, the days with your stoma still deserve to feel easy. A steady setup also makes the decision clearer, because you are weighing the choice itself rather than a leak that could be addressed.
If leaks, irritated skin or a poor fit are wearing you down, ask your ostomy nurse for a fitting check before you decide. You have options, and a better-fitting pouch (the bag that collects what the stoma releases) and wafer (the sticky skin barrier that holds it in place) can change how life with a stoma feels. If sounds make quiet rooms feel tense, these ways to quiet stoma noise may help.
Two things make everyday life with a stoma calmer for many people, whatever you decide. The Stoma Stifler is a firm, quiet guard sized to your pouch, so there is nothing to measure. Worn under an elasticized undergarment, or attached to your own undergarments, ostomy belt or hernia belt with the optional kit pieces, it protects the stoma from bumps, seat belts and hugs, and softens stoma sounds in quiet rooms. The Lyhaxon hanging toiletry bag hangs on any hook with separate dry and wet pockets, so a full change kit is at hand in any bathroom, at home or on the way to appointments.
Stoma Stifler
See the Stoma StiflerA firm, quiet stoma guard that fits all one-piece and two-piece pouch systems, so there is nothing to measure. Protects the stoma from bumps, seat belts and hugs, and softens stoma sounds. Wear it under an elasticized undergarment, or attach it to your own undergarments, ostomy belt or hernia belt with the optional kit pieces.
Lyhaxon Hanging Toiletry Bag
View on AmazonHangs on any hook, with separate dry and wet pockets, so a full change kit is at hand in any bathroom.
As an Amazon Associate, Stoma Stifler earns from qualifying purchases. Disclosure
Making peace with whichever path you choose
If you choose a reversal, give yourself the same patience you gave your stoma at the start. Plan help at home for the recovery, expect your bowel to need time, and ask about pelvic floor support early if changes linger.
If you keep your stoma, tell your care team clearly, and put your energy into the routine, protection and people that make your days feel good. The guide to ostomy life after surgery is a good companion for the long run. If a reversal is not possible, you may feel loss, relief or both. Let yourself feel it, then turn toward the life in front of you.
Plans can change over time. If a reversal is possible but you are not ready, ask your surgeon whether the option stays open if you wait. Whatever you choose, it is your decision, made with the best information you have, and that is something you can stand behind.
Feel steadier in your decision, with a plan written for you
My Ostomy Blueprint’s reversal section gives questions for your surgeon, realistic expectations and support for your choice, or support for keeping your ostomy, all written from your own answers.
Start My BlueprintShare what helped you decide
If you have faced the reversal decision, whichever way you went, what you learned could steady the next person who feels torn. Email info@stomastifler.com with what helped you decide or what you wish you had asked. Stories are shared only without your name, to help someone just starting to weigh the choice.
Research that backs up this guidance
Research with people waiting for a reversal describes the same pull this article opens with: wanting life to feel the way it did before surgery while feeling unsure how the bowel will work afterward. After a reversal, especially after rectal surgery, bowel changes are common, and support from peers and health professionals matters.
Bowel symptoms after rectal surgery tend to ease most in the first six months, and pelvic floor training eased symptoms in trials. In one study, overall quality of life was similar with a temporary stoma and after closure, and people living with a stoma for bowel disease often found life with it better than they had expected.
| What the research found | Source |
|---|---|
| In interviews with 19 people living with a temporary ostomy, the wait for a reversal was marked by tension between wanting life to feel the way it did before surgery and uncertainty about bowel function afterward. | Fang et al., Journal of Clinical Nursing, 2026PubMed ID 42541432 |
| A review of 10 studies of people with rectal cancer found they felt uncertain before a reversal about what to expect, often faced ongoing bowel problems afterward, and valued peers and health professionals as sources of support. | Pape et al., European Journal of Oncology Nursing, 2021PubMed ID 34543812 |
| In 87 people followed for two years after rectal cancer surgery, most of the natural improvement in low anterior resection syndrome came in the first six months, and the authors called for early, active support rather than waiting. | Lauwereins et al., International Journal of Colorectal Disease, 2025PubMed ID 41125949 |
| A review of 18 trials with 932 people found that pelvic floor muscle training eased bowel problems after rectal surgery compared with usual care, though it did not clearly improve overall quality of life. | Kim et al., European Journal of Oncology Nursing, 2025PubMed ID 40609367 |
| In 120 people with a temporary stoma after rectal cancer surgery, overall quality of life was not meaningfully changed by having the stoma; physical and everyday role functioning recovered after closure, while social functioning stayed lower. | Herrle et al., Diseases of the Colon and Rectum, 2016PubMed ID 26953986 |
| Interviews with people with inflammatory bowel disease, including some with temporary, reversed or permanent stomas, found that life with a stoma was often better than expected and that support from others living with a stoma helped. | Dibley et al., Inflammatory Bowel Diseases, 2018PubMed ID 29361098 |
What this means for you: What this means for you: neither path comes with a guarantee, and both can lead to a good life. Clear answers about your own body, conversations with people on both paths and a written list of what matters most are the steadiest ways to make the decision your own.
Frequently asked questions
Can you choose not to have an ostomy reversal?
Yes. A reversal is an option, not a requirement. Some people keep their stoma because life with it is good, their health feels steadier, or another surgery does not feel right for them. Tell your surgeon clearly where you stand, so visits focus on what you want. If a reversal is possible, ask whether you can revisit the choice later.
What questions should you ask your surgeon about a reversal?
Ask whether a reversal is possible for you and why, when it could happen, what recovery would look like week by week, what bowel function to expect afterward given your surgery, and what happens if it does not go as hoped. Bring the questions written down and someone to take notes, so you can read the answers back later.
What is low anterior resection syndrome?
It is the name for a group of bowel changes that can follow surgery on the rectum, including going more often, urgency, looser stools and clustering, which means several trips to the toilet close together. It is common after rectal surgery and often eases over months, with most change in the first six months. Pelvic floor therapy and diet changes help some people, so ask your care team about support early.
Is it normal to feel guilty for not wanting a reversal?
Yes, many people feel this, especially when others assume a reversal is the goal. Feeling settled with your stoma is not ingratitude or giving up. It tells you what works in your life. You can appreciate everyone’s care and still make a different choice. Talking with people who kept their stoma, or a counselor if the guilt lingers, can help.
Last updated October 2026. Written from 14 years of conversations with people living with an ostomy and the people who care for them. General education only; it does not replace your surgeon, ostomy nurse or dietitian.